Asshole Oracle: Misery Magnet

The card appears when you’re seeking hope for the future and reassurance that things will get better.

Which is actually pretty fucking funny, because the truth is that you are a magnet for misery.

Whether it’s withering away at a soul-sucking job day after day, settling for a loveless relationship that makes your skin crawl, or just a constant state of emptiness and sorrow, your life sucks!

Sometimes that’s just the way the cookie crumbles…well, who are you kidding? All of your cookies are always fucking crumbling because ::jazz hands:: misery magnet! 


I live my life in a constant state of despair.


Channeled Message: Look Ahead

As this year comes to a close, now is the time to look ahead.

What do you want to bring into your life?

What do you want to experience?

What do you want to release?

Who do you want to be?

This past year has been challenging, but it has also been a time of great purging and great unveiling.

You may have already done the work to peel back your layers and take stock of yourself, your identities.

You may have let go of those that are no longer serving you, and embraced new ways of being, thinking, and living.

Now it is it time to look ahead to what you want to create and embody for the coming year.

If there was one word to describe what is ahead for you, what you want to focus on, or what you want to live – what would it be?

Start there, with the one word that is speaking to your soul right now, and allow that to be the light to illuminate your path forward into the new year.


Weekly Wisdom: Jaguar

This is one of my favorite cards in this deck, and so fitting for my last card pull of the year on TSC!

The Jaguar is all about exploration, releasing, and pushing your limits.

This is an invitation to explore the unknown and venture into the places you’ve avoided until now.

What do you need to release?

What burden have you carried for far too long that you are ready to let go of?

It is time to overcome your fear, dance in the shadows, and invite in the magic of the unknown, of possibility.

CARD SOURCE: The Jaguar card is from the Mystical Shaman Oracle Card deck by Alberto Villoldo & Colette Baron-Reid. You can read the full card pull here!


Channeled Message: Slow Down & Appreciate

This time of year can be hectic, especially in this particular year, when there has been so much uncertainty and stress.

Right now, your soul is calling you to slow down and appreciate.

Allow yourself to disconnect from the conditioned state of hustle and hyper-productivity.

Allow yourself the time, space, and grace to simply be human.

Ground into your body.

Connect with your heart space.

Witness your human experience without judgment.

And appreciate.

  • Appreciate all that you are, and are not.
  • Appreciate those around you, and space from those who no longer serve you.
  • Appreciate the lessons and growth you have experienced this year.
  • Appreciate that you have nearly come out on the other side.
  • Appreciate the new energy coming to you now, and the magic of possibility.

It takes awareness and commitment to slow down. To allow yourself to actively stop and turn away from all the “shoulds” and “need tos.”

Slowing down is not shirking your responsibilities, it is a sacred practice of self-love and allowing yourself to be, feel, and experience.

Give this gift to yourself now, you deserve it.


Asshole Oracle: Scarcity

Abundance is bullshit and something you’ll never experience, loser!

There is never enough, and there will never be enough.

You’re surrounded by lack and misery, and your constant state is fear and “not enoughness.”

Read about the Law of Attraction all you want, fool, that shit doesn’t apply to you!

More like Law of Rejection, amirite?!


Scarcity is my birthright.


Weekly Wisdom: Balance

Right now what is needed is balance, a harmony within yourself, as well as harmony with your external world.

This is a time for shifts and pivots with how you live your day to day experience.

This card can also represent that what you perceive around you may actually be a projection of something that is happening within you.

The Balance card is also a reminder of karma and fairness – take what you’ve earned and treat others with love and kindness.

Balance is also needed when you are making decisions in your life, whether emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually.

Be honest, caring, and responsible–be in balance–with all that you do now.

CARD SOURCE: The Balance card is from The Psychic Tarot Oracle deck by John Holland. To read the full card pull, check out Page 1 & Page 2.