Asshole Oracle: Misery Magnet

The card appears when you’re seeking hope for the future and reassurance that things will get better.

Which is actually pretty fucking funny, because the truth is that you are a magnet for misery.

Whether it’s withering away at a soul-sucking job day after day, settling for a loveless relationship that makes your skin crawl, or just a constant state of emptiness and sorrow, your life sucks!

Sometimes that’s just the way the cookie crumbles…well, who are you kidding? All of your cookies are always fucking crumbling because ::jazz hands:: misery magnet! 


I live my life in a constant state of despair.


Weekly Wisdom: Jaguar

This is one of my favorite cards in this deck, and so fitting for my last card pull of the year on TSC!

The Jaguar is all about exploration, releasing, and pushing your limits.

This is an invitation to explore the unknown and venture into the places you’ve avoided until now.

What do you need to release?

What burden have you carried for far too long that you are ready to let go of?

It is time to overcome your fear, dance in the shadows, and invite in the magic of the unknown, of possibility.

CARD SOURCE: The Jaguar card is from the Mystical Shaman Oracle Card deck by Alberto Villoldo & Colette Baron-Reid. You can read the full card pull here!


Weekly Wisdom: Balance

Right now what is needed is balance, a harmony within yourself, as well as harmony with your external world.

This is a time for shifts and pivots with how you live your day to day experience.

This card can also represent that what you perceive around you may actually be a projection of something that is happening within you.

The Balance card is also a reminder of karma and fairness – take what you’ve earned and treat others with love and kindness.

Balance is also needed when you are making decisions in your life, whether emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually.

Be honest, caring, and responsible–be in balance–with all that you do now.

CARD SOURCE: The Balance card is from The Psychic Tarot Oracle deck by John Holland. To read the full card pull, check out Page 1 & Page 2.


Asshole Oracle: Past Life Depression

As if this life wasn’t bad enough, now you wanna tap into past lives, too?

Jesus H. Christ, talk about a glutton for punishment. Well you go on and do you! If you think you’re gonna stumble upon some holy, mind blowing nugget of information from “the good ole days” that’s gonna be a catalyst for amazing transformation, you’re dead wrong, dumbass!

There are no “good ole days!” Not for you! Not now! Not then! Not ever! And I mean that literally!

You just keep hopping from one miserable meat sack to another, and the only common thread tying all those past lives together? ::spooky, mystical voice:: Depression and unfulfillment!


I never learn from past mistakes, and my misery is eternal.


Weekly Wisdom: Star Ancestors

You’re being called to think and listen with your infinite heart and soul.

There is a part of you that remembers and knows all, and this part is calling to you now.

This is your invitation to step into your ancient knowing and look a little deeper.

Feeling stuck? It’s time to shift or pivot or look through a different lens.

The answer that you seek may be right before you now, only you cannot see it until you look outside the box of your creation.

You are infinite and ancient–made of stardust–a piece of the Universal mosaic, and it is now time to tap into this essence and align with all that you are.

CARD SOURCE: The Star Ancestors card is from The Starseed Oracle Deck by Rebecca Campbell. You can read the full card pull on Page 1 and Page 2.


December Wisdom: Release Allegiances

It is time to focus on yourself and let go of another.

Letting go does not mean the time you have put into this dynamic was wasted, quite the contrary – it means that it is now time to up level to the next phase of your being.

It’s time to rise to higher frequencies, and doing so will allow more love, empowerment, and peace to flow into your life.

You may feel as if you need to go inward at this time, to turn off all the external noise and spend some time in stillness and in your own being.

This is encouraged.

It is time to come home to yourself and ground into your own being.

It is a time for sacred self-discovery, self-expression, and self-love.

On this journey you may realize that while some experiences and relationships build you up and help you thrive, others do not, and that it is time to let them go.

Or perhaps you are feeling called to experience something new or different – follow that pull, allow your sacred self to lead.

This is a time to stand your ground, stay aligned with your truth, and honor yourSelf.

CARD SOURCE: The Releasing Allegiances card is from the Sacred Rebels Oracle deck by Alana Fairchild. To read the full card descriptions, check out Page 1, Page 2, and Page 3.


Weekly Wisdom: The Crow

Weekly Wisdom: The Crow

The crow is the keeper of the truth.

It teaches us to walk our talk and to align who we say we are with who we show up as.

It is time to correct what is untrue in your life, and you must do so without judgment.

It is time to be true to your word.

Do not seduce yourself with illusions, instead allow the truth to set you free.

CARD SOURCE: The Crow card is from the Mystical Shaman Oracle Cards by Alberto Villoldo. To read the full card description, click here.

P.S. Happy December Eve, beautiful souls. Sending you lots of love.


Weekly Wisdom: Patience & Planning

It is a time to practice patience and release control.

It is time to stop and reflect on what is in front of you before moving forward.

Plan from a place of ease and flow, not rush and force.

Ask yourself:

What is working well for me?

What is not working well for me?

Where am I feeling resistance?

Where am I feeling ease?

Where do I need to let go of my expectations?

What do I most want to move toward?

How will I handle difficult decisions or situations as I move forward?

It is always better to be proactive than reactive, so…

Stop, reflect, plan, THEN proceed.

CARD SOURCE: The Patience & Planning card is from The Psychic Tarot Oracle deck by John Holland. You can read the card’s full description on Page 1 & Page 2.